It’s time to be candid with you guys. I want to tell you a quick story. An embarrassing one. A precautionary tale of sorts.
Recently, I attended a Gentlemen’s Quarterly event in New York City. Libations flowing, hors d’oeuvres on point, music is chill. Perfect environment to get the mojo working. I spot “the one”. We exchange glances. We exchange words. We Uber to her place. Grown things begin to occur. And then it dawns on me…I got a dime-sized bleach hole on the left hip of my navy blue boxer briefs! The drinks told me it didn’t matter. The look on her face proved otherwise. “How can a man so stylish have holes in his boxers?!” I tried defending myself by saying they were clean and fresh from the wash. She didn’t care. My entire rep was put into question.
I’ll let you imagine the rest of this sad story.
The following morning, before I hit the road to head home, I made a quick detour into we well known department store. I make a beeline toward the men’s underwear section. Now if there’s one place that a guy doesn’t need new brands shoved in his face it’s this area of the store. I had a couple of trusted names to choose from but for some reason, Jockey stood out like a sore thumb. Not because of some ridiculous poster ad or some 10 ft. pyramid in the middle of the floor made of packaged briefs and hard labor. It was the quality and innovative technology (yes, we’re still talking about underwear).
I’m seeing phrases like “Stay Dry Fabric“, “H-Fly“, and “free cotton crew shirt”. No debating. I make my purchase.
Since I tend to wear T-shirts and blazers when traveling, I immediately throw on the free T-shirt. It felt like I should’ve paid 40 bucks for it. I can’t tell if this it’s supposed to be an undershirt or a main piece.
When I got home, before unpacking, I snapped a pic of my newly acquired undergarments to send to the lovely young lady who nearly cracked a rib laughing at my tarnished boxers. Her response was “Nice. Now toss those in a time machine and ur good lol”
There’s a lesson to be learned here, guys…If you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready. Go to your nearest underwear dispensary and re-up now. You may suffer a worse fate than I did if you wait.
Proof of this tale.